Boogity, boogity, boogity...

Mention Tasmania and a million different images - some good, some not so good - will fill your mind so I was excited to finally be boarding a plane in my quest to find out what the real Tasmania was and whether it bore any resemblance to those images.  I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect of a place with such contrasting history but, as I glanced out of the window as we started our approach to Hobart Airport, I was starting to wonder if we ourselves would become part of history.  That runway looked mighty short for such a large plane and, well, I couldn’t help but notice there was a lake at one end and the Tasman Sea at the other…

As you’re reading this after the event you will, no doubt, have guessed that we made it back down to earth safe and sound (albeit with an almighty thud).  After an interminable delay at the baggage carousel I picked up my rental car and headed off to find somewhere to camp for the night.  Virgin Blue’s tiny baggage allowance meant that I had travelled light and, before I could start thinking of a place to stay, I faced a race against time to buy the camping gear that I needed before the shops closed for the evening.  Yes, that’s right; unlike most of the mainland, the shops in Tassie actually close up at 6pm. 

Freshly armed with food, an esky to put it in and a mat to sleep on, I made my way to the campground on Seven Mile Beach where I enjoyed a breathtaking sunset.  Back at my tent I sat down to ponder Tasmania.  Since the start of my trip in May I had enjoyed the luxury of (and, on occasion, endured the restrictions of) a daily schedule - or, at the very least, some idea of which route I was to follow - it was something that I had worked out between booking my trip and actually setting off.  Unfortunately I had run out of time and figured I’d work it out later but, of course, that never happened and I had arrived in Tassie with absolutely no clue what to do, or where to go, next. 

I sat there for a while flicking from my guide book to my map and back again before, like an angel, the owner of the campground popped by on her daily rounds to say hello to new guests and ask if there was anything she could do to help.  “As a matter of fact… yes!”  A full hour later I waved my lovely host goodbye and opened a bottle of Coopers.  I, somewhat belatedly, had a plan.   The first stop would be the nearby Port Arthur Historic Site on the Tasman Peninsula (named - like the entire state - after the Dutch explorer, Abel Tasman.)  I would then do an about turn and head back, passing through Hobart, and start what roughly equated to a very large figure-of-eight.  I had just over a week to explore and, already, I was beginning to realise that I needed far longer.  

Next morning, having been kept awake much of the night by a Tasmanian Devil in the undergrowth behind my tent, I headed off on the first leg of my latest journey: my drive out to Port Arthur.   On my way I stopped off to visit the Tessellated Pavement before crossing over the narrow isthmus of Eaglehawk Neck onto the Tasman Peninsula and very soon spotted the sign announcing my arrival at Port Arthur.  My Lonely Planet had warned me that I would find a sombre, haunting atmosphere waiting for me but I didn’t really pay it much attention until I turned in to the car park when a cold shiver suddenly shot down up spine.  I can’t explain it but there was a strong sense of foreboding hanging over the place.

I presumed that the menacing feeling was due to its history as Australia’s largest penal station and as I wandered through the interpretive centre - reading stories of the shocking history of transportation and the harsh conditions that awaited the convicts - that feeling was firmly reinforced.  With the tragic stories of men shipped to the other side of the world for crimes as serious as stealing a loaf of bread fresh in my mind I headed down the stairs and outside.  Awaiting me were the derelict ruins of a small hamlet, set against a backdrop of stark beauty, with a very dark past.

I wandered around taking dozens of photos until I found myself in the waterfront area just after lunch.  It was then that I saw something that looked so incongruous that I was compelled to go and investigate.  Behind the remains of a small building was a large pool and a simple memorial listing 35 names and the date 28^th April 1996.  It made little sense - at least to someone from the other side of the world who knew little of the history - but I discovered a small information board titled ‘what happened here?’ which outlined the basics.  I was stunned and, as I stood there trying to take in the horrors of what had happened there, it became very clear why I’d been feeling so uneasy about the place since the moment I arrived.   I wanted to ask more but it didn’t feel right so I searched online later and discovered that a deranged gunman - having already killed two people at a nearby property - made his way to the site, calmly parked his car, and went on the rampage.  In an attack which mirrored the one in Dunblane the previous month he murdered a total of 35 people and injured a further 37.   It remains Australia’s deadliest mass killing spree and casts a dark shadow over an area with an already dubious history.  

It was quite shocking to realise that, not only was I stood on the very site of this horrific crime, but it was a crime of which I had never heard.  But then that sums up Tasmania.  If Australia is on the other side of the world then Tasmania may as well be on another Planet.  Indeed that is largely the attitude of those in Australia itself so what chance was there that we’d have received word back in Europe.   If it seemed remote in these days of 24 hour news TV, email and mobile telephones then you just cannot do justice to the idea of spending months on board a disease-ridden ship to reach a destination from which you would never return.  All for stealing a loaf of bread to feed your hungry family.  The injustice of transportation suddenly hit home even harder.  Shortly after I decided that I’d seen enough and left.  As I pulled out of the car park my mood lightened and, quite literally, the sun came out.  I found the whole place most depressing and even now, a week later, the atmosphere makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. 

As I headed back towards Hobart I broke my journey by visiting the coastal spectacle of the wonderful Tasman National Park where the high sea cliffs and rock formations finally added something positive to my frame of mind.  Soon though I had to head off as, worried that a ranger might arrive to check the car park for vehicles not displaying a valid pass, I was unable to leave my car for more than a few minutes at a time.  I had passes for the national parks of Queensland, Victoria and New South Wales but, in Tasmania, you can only buy a pass at an office in the centre of Hobart or from a small number of the parks of which Tasman wasn’t one.  How clever is that?

I had intended to spend the evening in Hobart but, when I drove into town, I couldn’t face it.  I am not known for my love of cities and, with my mind heavy from my experiences earlier in the day, I decided that I wanted some peace and quiet to contemplate things and so I found myself heading for the campground in Mount Field National Park instead.   Once I’d set up camp I set off up the steep unpaved road to the top of the mountain.  The car really wasn’t the tool for the job but it bumped and rattled its way right to the top and, more importantly, back down again without breaking itself.  There wasn’t a whole lot to see up there so I soon returned to the campground and went in search of an evening hike.  I am pleased to say Mount Field offered a number of excellent short hikes and I spent the final couple of hours daylight checking out a number of majestic waterfalls.  

The following morning I did a couple more hikes and then hopped back in the car and headed off towards the Southwest National Park.  The 6,052 square Kilometres of pristine wilderness manages to rival Alaska in terms of stunning scenic beauty but there is one ugly scar: the abomination that is the Gordon Power Scheme.   The controversial 1970s scheme comprises a hydro-electric power station and a huge ugly canal linking the two huge artificial lakes of Lake Pedder and Lake Gordon which were created by the construction of a number of dams.  There was a huge public outcry when the scheme was unveiled in 1967 but, although the Commonwealth Government offered to fund a less damaging alternative, the Tasmanian Government pressed on regardless; unbelievably removing the protected status and disbanding Lake Pedder National Park.  This led to the creation of the modern-day green movement and the formation of the world’s first Green Party in 1972 and the party today continues to lobby for the draining of the lakes and reinstatement of the natural environment.

There is just one road leading into the depths of the park - built by the construction crews building the dams - with the rest accessible only on foot, by boat or by float plane.  With just half a day to get a feel for the place I obviously didn’t have time to be adventurous and decided to head just an hour or two along the road and see what I found.  The roadside scenery was astonishing and I couldn’t quite bring myself to turn the car around so decided to press on down the lonely highway right the way to the Gordon River Dam at the end of the road.    

The impact that the dams have had on the landscape became shockingly apparent as I passed the tiny hamlet of Strathgordon - the town which sprung up to house the construction crews - and reached the shores of Lake Gordon.  The water is far lower than it used to be (some reports suggest a difference of 20m) and this revealed a desolate landscape of thousands of dead and twisted trees which had quite literally drowned as the waters rose.  Everything was covered in a thick layer of silt and it was quite apparent that the suggestion of draining the water and returning the area to its former glory would have to be a very long term project indeed.  Gordon Dam itself was an impressive construction and one, if it hadn’t been for the damage that its construction had caused, that could be looked upon with pride by the people of Tasmania as it provides around 40% of the states energy requirements.  After a slightly nerve wracking descent along a rickety skeletal walkway to the top of the 140m high structure I decided that I’d seen enough.

Every time that I start to feel a connection with Tasmania something pops up which leaves a sour taste in the mouth.  First it was the horrors of Port Arthur, then the damage caused (to both nature and trust in the political process) by the construction of the Gordon Dam and then, as I made my way back towards the main highway, I stopped at a lonely tent camp whose inhabitants were protesting the imminent logging of a magnificent old growth forest in the name of wood chips.  Yes, that’s right; wood chips.   Tasmania has a legacy of destroying its old growth forests to supply a seemingly insatiable desire for wood chips and the fact that these trees were in the middle of a national park, like the Gordon Power Scheme before it, wasn’t seen as a problem.  It made me feel quite sick.

I was just telling myself that I had to ignore these things if I was going to enjoy my last days in Australia when, as I approached the Lake St Clair entrance for the Cradle Mountain-Lake St Clair National Park, the driver of the car in front of me, spotting a Tasmanian Devil crossing the road, swerved towards it, tossing the defenceless critter two metres in the air as he hit it.  I stopped and took the animal to the park ranger’s house in the park but it was obvious that he was dead on arrival.  Very sad and unnecessary - I wish that I’d got the licence plate number as he sped off. 

In an attempt to cheer myself up I headed out to do a hike as the sun set and ended up doing three!  It was very therapeutic and managed to take my mind off all the negativity for a couple of hours.  I didn’t sleep well and was awake early the next morning.  I hadn’t planned to do any more hiking but, when I called at the visitor centre, the ranger that I had met the previous evening talked me into a 15km hike.  There wasn’t much of a reward at the end but the walk itself was a bit of a workout and, having been a couple of weeks since I had any real exercise, it felt good to be physically tired again.  It is not so long before I will be back in England again and I really hope that I get a job that leaves me physically rather than mentally tired at the end of the day - there’ll be no sleepless nights then!

The drive to the northern section of the park - the famed and much photographed Cradle Mountain - took me out through the spectacular mountain scenery of Franklin Gordon Wild Rivers National Park and along some challenging driving roads which saw the contents of the back seat being thrown from left to right and back again.  It was fun whilst it lasted but soon I was arriving in the small town of Queenstown.  And then, predictably, Tasmania let itself down once again as I rounded a corner and the town came into sight, along with the huge open cast mine which had, quite literally, removed two huge mountains from the landscape and replaced them with something akin to the surface of the moon.

Thankfully the area between Queenstown and Cradle Mountain was largely untouched (save a small dam or two) and, had it not been for the intense rain (oh, yes, I haven’t mentioned the depressing Tasmanian weather at this time of the year, have I?), I would have got some awesome photos.  By the time I reached the northern section of the snappily titled Cradle Mountain-Lake St Clair National Park the weather had cleared and, inspired by the return of the sunshine, I took the long drive out to Lake Dove.  After the obligatory photos I set off on a hike but, shortly after signing the walker registration book, the weather turned foul again and I gave up on the idea and headed back to the campground instead.

Having paid for a campground I didn’t expect to be sleeping in the car but, having abandoned my flooded tent in a huge downpour just after midnight, that is exactly where I spent the rest of the night.  I wasn’t in the mood to undertake a 2 hour hike in the pouring rain the next morning so took the opportunity to try and make up some of the time I had fallen behind.  I headed north to Wynard and stopped in the local visitor centre where I was told that the weather was set for the next three or four days.  Whilst I was pleased that they were finally getting the rain that they’d been so desperate for, it was definitely bad news for me.  In a bad frame of mind I headed west to the Rocky Cape National Park where, thanks to the low thick cloud, I could see precisely nothing and I decided instead to make a detour to the Narawntapu National Park.  The only good thing about this sixty kilometre detour was the fun I had along the slick access road where I amused myself with the goal of getting mud on the roof of the car as I drove.  Oh, and the rain miraculously stopped.

Somewhat adventurously I decided I had plenty of time to press on and make it all the way out to Coles Bay in Freycinet National Park.  Reality suggests that this was far further than any sane person would drive in a single day but, after the disappointing and frustrating day I had endured, I was fired up (and the two cans of Red Bull helped too).  I arrived shortly before sunset and, initially, it looked like my depressing day would continue when I found there was no room on the campground.  Not quite sure what to do other than backtrack 40km to the small town of Biceno I followed a sign towards the charmingly named Friendly Beaches where, after sitting on the rocky beach watching the sun come down, I decided I would spend the night there.  Two nights in the car is not usually my idea of a good time but a more beautiful or secluded place you could not hope to find.  It was majestic.

The following day was a revelation - I woke from a comfortable nights sleep to be greeted with a sight that I’d not seen for a while: the sun was out!   Things got better when I stopped in a bakery for breakfast and unexpectedly found myself reconnected to the outside world (at the cost of $5) when I discovered they had an internet kiosk.   But I hadn’t come to Freycinet to use the internet - I had come to hike the renowned Wineglass Bay Trail and I hurriedly replied to a couple of emails and set off.  The stories of a seriously tough-going trail were a little wide of the mark and, although it offered a thorough work-out, it was something that everyone who visits should at least attempt.  The trail offered some fantastic scenery which couldn’t fail to lift even the most deflated spirit whilst the reward at the end was utterly breathtaking and worth any hardship in getting there.  I would have to say that it was in the top five of my favourite destinations in the whole of my trip.

The drive up the coast on the Tasman Highway was enjoyable and the opportunity to stop in the small towns along the way proved fun.  Realising that I was now back on schedule I decided to end the day early by checking myself into a cabin overlooking George’s Bay outside the small town of St Helens.  After two days sleeping in my car this was unheard of luxury and, after a hot shower, I moved the TV outside and sat for some time in the sun watching New Zealand giving Australia a pasting in the cricket.  Could life get any better?  Well, yes, it could.  Whilst I would normally be somewhat irritated by the trading of the sun for heavy rain clouds I will forgive the weather gods this time as I decided to head out to give up on the cricket and explore the nearby Bay of Fires instead.   The decision proved to be inspired as the area was deserted and I was able to enjoy the spectacle of the large electrical storm on my own.  When the lightening moved off I sat on the white sand beach and watched as huge rainbows appeared in the sky before returning to my cabin to down a couple of Jim Beam and Cokes.   A perfect end to a perfect day.

After another night of poor sleep - this time it was the incessant pounding of the night-long torrential downpour on the tin roof of the cabin - I headed off, as planned, towards the Mount William National Park.  As I headed through the town of St Helens I stopped at the visitor centre to seek advice on the route I was planning to take and was advised that it would be fine despite the continuing torrential rain outside.  Initially the road was fine but, around halfway down the seventy kilometres of unpaved road leading to the park, it was becoming increasingly apparent that the guy at the visitor centre was either insane or having a laugh at my expense.  It is fair to say that I do enjoy a bit of a lark behind the wheel but, as the rain continued and the car started sliding left and right on the ice-like surface, my mind started to race with how I could explain to the rental car company how I came to be parked backwards in the scenery.  When I started having to ford raging torrents of water as they flowed over the top of bridges I decided that I needed to get the hell out of the park - quickly - with big 4wds sliding around as they headed towards me it was obvious that it wasn’t the place to be in a lightweight fwd saloon.

Somehow I made it off of the forest roads in one piece and when I reached the town of Scottsdale and rejoined the tarmac I celebrated my survival by stopping for lunch at a local bakery.  When they asked where I had come from and I told them about my route through the National Park they shook their head and refused to believe that I had made it through in a front wheel drive car until I pointed to the mud covered car outside.  Then they just shook their head some more.  I couldn’t disagree with them - it had been sheer lunacy.

The road from Scottsdale to Launceston was fantastic fun and I wished that I’d been driving a Lotus rather than my dreadful rental car but Launceston itself, I was sad to discover, was a bit of a dive.  There was nothing much of any interest there and I would have pressed on towards Hobart had it not been for the fact that I would be visiting the nearby Symmons Plains Raceway the following morning.  I checked myself in to a cheap caravan site on the outskirts of town - the caravan being a far cry from the luxury cabin of the previous evening - and, having explored the local area on foot, settled in to watch the TV until it was time to sleep. 

It was then that I experienced something that I never expected to experience: I found myself looking forward to going home.  The more I thought about it the more it made sense.  I had been away from home for a long time and, although I had loved (almost) every minute of it, I was growing tired of being constantly on the move and having to find a place to stay every night.  I wanted normality.  Maybe that was why I’d been so down on Tasmania until that point?  I decided to try and find a new outlook on things the next morning but, when I woke, the first thing I thought was ‘oooh, one month today and I’ll be on that plane home.’  It wasn’t a good start!

The raceday was enjoyable and the local people, as I had found everywhere, were welcoming and friendly.  I thoroughly enjoyed my day there and was starting to think that I was over my enthusiasm for home before I made my way to my pre-booked accommodation in Richmond but, having arrived to discover it was a self-contained apartment with all the conveniences of home, well, you can imagine..!

My final day in Tasmania was largely uneventful with a lie-in followed by a slow drive back to Hobart.  I crossed the Derwent River over the impressive Tasman Bridge which, on the night of 5^th January 1975, had been the scene of yet another Tasmanian Disaster.  The bulk carrier Lake Illawarra collided with the bridge, bringing down two piers and 127m of roadway: killing 12 people and cutting the city in two.   30% of the population lived on the Eastern Shores but relied on the bridge to get to the schools, hospitals, cinemas, restaurants and employment which lay, almost exclusively, on the other side of the river: without the bridge they were completely isolated.  Ferries were hurriedly bought to the area and pressed into service but, for the two years that the bridge was being rebuilt, this meant a 90-minute increase in journey time from one side of the city to the other.   Resentment on the Eastern Shores grew and an ‘us and them’ mentality developed which, sadly, endures to varying degrees to this day.

My final stop before I headed back to the airport for my flight back to Sydney was the impressive Mount Wellington which looms over the Central Business District.  Known previously as Table Mountain (due to it’s similarity in appearance to Table Mountain in Cape Town), Mount Wellington plays a significant part in determining Hobart’s weather and enjoys a weather system all of it’s own at its summit.  I have never experienced anything quite as changeable as the weather up there - something I thought a fitting metaphor for my experience of Tasmania as a whole.

Tasmania has long been the butt of jokes from those on the mainland as a result of its isolation and its convict history but, with typical ‘Tassie’ resilience, they have turned it on its head and built a huge tourism industry.   It is an island that has it all: vast, uninhabited areas of wilderness, bountiful wildlife and the laid-back charm of the locals.  With the fight against the Lake Pedder hydroelectric scheme it was also the birthplace of Green Politics so it only natural that it should be so revered by those who enjoy the outdoors.

Of course that is all tempered with a grim history: the arrival of the Europeans in the early 1800s saw savage wars rage between the Aborigines and the British.  In 1828 martial law was declared and Aboriginal tribes were systematically murdered, incarcerated or ejected from the island by white settlers.  Others died of unheard of diseases carried by the European colonists and, by 1872; the entire Tasmanian Aboriginal community had been displaced or destroyed.  If that wasn’t shocking enough in itself, then there is the small matter of convict transportation.  In the 1850s every second islander was a convict and both Hobart and Launceston festered with disease, prostitution and drunken lawlessness.

Tasmania has everything going for it but, for some reason, I just couldn’t fall in love with the place.  In the end I wasn’t overly sad to be leaving Tasmania and heading off on the next leg of my adventure.   For an island with so much natural beauty it was hard to see the scars that we have inflicted on it over the years.  But that boils down to its seemingly infinite supply of natural resources which have been ravaged in the name of logging, mining and general profit making.  In a lot of ways Tasmania reminded me of Alaska but I desperately hope that the Americans learn from the mistakes that have been made in Tasmania. 

Don’t get me wrong… Tasmania has a huge amount going for it in every regard but I just couldn’t see beyond the abomination that was Lake Pedder and the shameful mining legacy of Queenstown.  Thankfully some lessons are being slowly learned and over 1.4 million hectares of Tasmania (something like 20% of its land area) has now been designated as national parks.  I find it incredibly sad that this is the only way to keep our greed under control.

After just one night in Sydney it was time to hit the road once again: the famed Great Ocean Road and Adelaide my ultimate destination.  I walked the short distance to the car rental office, fired up the satnav and headed off out of town.  I had visited Canberra earlier in my trip and, despite all the negative comments I’d heard prior to my arrival, I was surprised at just how I’d enjoyed the city.  I’d promised myself that I would return and so it was that I found myself dodging the innumerable rotting roo carcasses littering the Federal Highway as I headed back towards the Australian Capital Territory.

I woke a little later than planned in my motel room in Antill Street (what a rather lovely name for a street!) in Queenbeyan.  Suddenly it dawned on me: it was Remembrance Sunday and I was within spitting distance of one of the world’s capital cities.  I have always liked to pay my respects and the opportunity to visit the Remembrance Day Parade in a country which suffered such great loss in wartime was too much to pass up.  Hurriedly I checked out and sped through the deserted streets of Canberra - I swear I saw tumbleweed rolling past at one point - before finally arriving at the bottom end of Anzac Parade.  I was expecting huge crowds, road blocks and high security as you get in London but, as I turned left and headed up towards the Australian War Memorial, I was shocked to see… nothing.  Nothing at all.  Had I missed it?  Had I got the dates wrong; was it only Saturday? 

I was bemused and, passing the lines of memorial sculptures lining the grand old boulevard, I headed up to the memorial proper to find out what was going on.  Or, more to the point, what wasn’t.  It was politely explained to me that Australia doesn’t have a Remembrance Sunday; rather they remember their dead on Armistice Day and ANZAC Day in April.  Ooops.

I decided to have another look around the memorial’s galleries whilst I was there and, realising that I’d missed whole areas of the museum on my previous visit, I was rather glad that I did.   I found myself particularly moved whilst looking at photos and mementoes from the Great War in France as, with me being so far from home, it really hit home the tragedy of those brave young soldiers being cut down in a conflict that, literally, couldn’t have been further from their own homeland.  It was a tragedy in Europe too, of course, but at least it was on our doorstep and there was a reason to fight. 

I spent several hours exploring the exhibits but eventually had to drag myself away as I was only in town for one day and I had a whole list of other destinations to visit.  My first stop was Regatta Point on the shores of Lake Burley Griffin for the Captain Cook Memorial.  The memorial takes the form of a huge water jet sending water shooting 147m into the air which sounded impressive enough that I felt the need to visit.  If you aren’t impressed with that stat then let me give you a couple more facts: the exit velocity of water leaving the nozzle is 260 km/h and, at any one time, there is in excess of six tonnes of water in the air.  Here is one more fact - it is switched off from midday until 2pm daily - so, having fought my way through the Free Tibet and Chinese Human Rights protests, I was disappointed to discover that it was now five minutes after twelve.  

At a lose end and, realising I was stood next to the National Capital Exhibition, I decided that it would be silly not to pop in.  The exhibition told the fascinating story of how Canberra came to be: how the fierce rivalry between Melbourne - then the largest city in Australia - and Sydney - the oldest - meant that neither would ever be fully accepted as the capital city of the newly federated Commonwealth of Australia.  A compromise had to be found and, after much discussion, it was decided that Melbourne would become the capital on a temporary basis whilst a new permanent capital was built between the two cities.  A competition to decide the location was held and the rules stated that the winner would be located in New South Wales but at least 100 miles from Sydney. 

The site was eventually chosen in 1908 and two years later the government of New South Wales ceded the area now known as the Australian Capital Territory to the Commonwealth Government.   A further competition was held to select a design for the new city and, eventually, the American architect Walter Burney Griffin was appointed to design the still nameless city in 1913.   Progress was painfully slow - admittedly the First World War didn’t help matters - and it wasn’t until 1927 that the original Parliament House opened.   One of the very first items of legislation dealt with in the new parliament was an act to repeal O’Malley’s prohibition laws which had meant that the ACT was dry.  I liked that a lot and I hoped that the politicians toasted their achievements with a cold beer.  Very Australian!.   

I’ve never really been much of a person for museums but I had been utterly enthralled by two in a single day - it was time for something different.   The National Carillion was a short drive away and, although it was entirely different in that it wasn’t a museum, it was precisely the same in that I had cocked up my timings and arrived to find everyone else leaving.  I had arrived right at the end of a recital which, initially, frustrated me but I soon realised that it was actually a blessing as I sat beneath a shady tree and admired the view across Lake Burley Griffin undisturbed by anyone.   On the shores people could be seen, randomly milling around, as if looking for somewhere they should be.  Clearly this was where the locals would spend their Sundays; picnicking, walking, jogging, soaking up the sun.  I found the whole thing rather intriguing and sat there trying to decide whether I could live there or not.  It wasn’t just an idle daydream - back in the seventies my parents had come close to emigrating to Canberra - but, although I loved the place, I just couldn’t imagine living in such a clinically clean and ordered place.  And, with that, the Captain Cook Memorial started up in the distance.

Back at the giant fountain I was disappointed to discover that the spectacle didn’t quite match up its impressive stats and, against such a large background canvas, 147m wasn’t actually so high.  Maybe I was being a little uncharitable (or maybe it was the fact I was wet through after the wind changed direction and blew six tonnes of airborne water right across those of us who were trying to take photos) but I decided not to dwell on it and headed off to Black Mountain which sits imposingly above the CBD.  The ascent to the summit was steep and winding but the view across the city proved to be rewarding.  I paid an exorbitant $7.50 to climb to the observation deck of the 195.2m Telstra Tower which sits proudly atop the mountain and, on reaching the top and realising the view was no different to that from the ground, promptly returned to my car and headed off out of town.

The drive from Canberra to Melbourne is 660km of particularly uninteresting tarmac so I had already decided to break the journey in the country town of Albury which lay roughly equidistant between the two.   It is the favoured place to break the journey for most people but I had a friend who lived in the town so it was a no-brainer for me.  Unfortunately, as I headed out of Canberra after a busy day, it was starting to get dark and I had no choice but to stop at the first motel I came across.  If you’ve never driven in Australia let me explain: unless you have a death wish (or a road train) you don’t drive after dark as the wildlife - and Australia has a lot of wildlife - has a tendency to come out and try to ruin your day.  Hitting a roo is sure to cause serious damage to your car and, if you are unlucky, yourself as it rolls up your bonnet and through your windscreen.  It is such a problem that rental car insurance is void for accidents after dark.

Continuing my drive the following morning I decided to stop off and visit Calder Raceway which was located just off the main highway.  Until that point I hadn’t encountered anyone who was truly unhelpful during my entire stay in Australia but the security guard on the gate at Calder made up for that in spades.   At one point I was unsure if he was going to set his dog on me (he was too fat and lazy to do anything himself) but eventually he settled on a verbal attack.  I have been thrown out of many places in my time but never by someone with a bigger attitude!

When I reached Melbourne I knew exactly where I was heading: the Immigration Museum which is located in the Old Customs House just along from Flinders Street Station.  What I didn’t know was where I was parking and, having circled the area half a dozen times looking for a parking spot (and carefully dodging the trams), I settled on an expensive private parking lot.  The museum proved to be fascinating; living up to the hype and well worth the expense (though, if you plan on going yourself, take the train!)  I found myself particularly touched by the stories of those who’d left everything they knew to spend six weeks on a disease ridden ship in search of a better life.  Being so far from home myself I couldn’t help but feel a connection to them but I knew I could be home in 24 hours if I decided I had to go.  They would more than likely never see home soil again after sailing out of Southampton.   It hit home what a huge deal it would be in those days to leave everything you have ever known - and everyone - to head off to a new life in a new land.

Strangely this started me thinking of what awaits me back at home and, for the first time in a long time, I started to feel confused: worried about what awaits me back home whilst, at the same time, feeling terribly homesick and alone.  It was apparent that a change of scene was what was needed and I headed off, a lot earlier than planned, towards Geelong where I am spending this evening before I head out on to the fabled Great Ocean Road tomorrow.  I can’t wait!

My first day in Hervey Bay was very leisurely and mainly consisted of sitting doing absolutely nothing whatsoever other than enjoying the sun.  Suitably rested, however, my second day was far more constructive as I’d signed up for a trip over to the nearby Fraser Island.  I was collected from outside the campground and, after a trip across town to pick up my fellow passengers, we headed off to Urangan Harbour to board the barge which would carry us and our big 4wd truck across the bay to the 120km long UNESCO World Heritage Site.  I had chosen a tour with the imaginatively titled Fraser Island Company and our guide for the day was the ever-so-crazy German, Henning who explained, as we crossed to our arrival point at Moon Point, what was on the agenda for the day.

We arrived on the island with the engine running, as if arriving in France in 1944, and roared off the barge-the moment the ramp was down.  Throwing up plumes of sand as tore across the beach, we made straight for a gap in the mangroves and lurched onto a narrow track.  With trees rubbing along both sides of the truck we headed off through the wetlands, past an American wartime folly where they repeatedly attempted to construct an airstrip (they finally gave up three years after the war ended) and out to the shores of Lake Allom.   Fraser Island may be the world’s biggest sand island but the diverse ecology took us through a quickly changing landscape of wetland, sand dune and rain forest.  Despite the constant rolling and pitching of the truck - which was making me feel a little queasy - I couldn’t help but marvel at the beauty of the place and smile at Henning’s amusing, self-effacing commentary.

The drive from the beach to Lake Allom was the longest (and toughest) piece of driving that we would do all day so it was great to be rewarded with the sight of dozens of freshwater turtles swimming in its red waters on our arrival.  The lake takes its colour from the trees growing around its shore and the entire scene, like much of the island, painted an other-worldly picture.  A couple of the guys decided to go for a dip but I preferred to keep my feet on dry land and, a few photos in the bag, I wandered back to the truck to discover that Henning had laid on tea, coffee and muffins to welcome us back.  As we awaited the return of the swimmers, the rest of the group excitedly chatted about what they’d seen already but Henning, knowing there was much more to come, simply smiled before wandering back to the truck and re-firing the engine - our signal that it was time to move on.

You can cross to Fraser Island from several points on the mainland but we soon learnt that, having crossed on the Urangan - Moon Point barge, we would have to cross the island at its widest point.  We would have to content with many miles of slow and trying sand roads before we would reach ‘the widest highway in the world’ - Seventy-Five Mile Beach.  I initially greeted this news with disappointment but, in the end, I actually think the crossing of inland Fraser Island was vital in offering us an insight into the real insight into the diversity of the island.  That’s not to say that our arrival on the soft sand of Cathedral Beach wasn’t a welcome moment and it was a real luxury to be able to tear along at 100km/hr.

After a stop at The Pinnacles - a section of coloured sand cliffs where many photos were taken - we turned into Dundubara where a feast of steak, fish and other goodies was being prepared for our lunch.  Henning finished this on the barbeque whilst we tucked into nibbles, drank beer and wine and got to know each other better.  It was a good group and the conversation flowed but soon our lunch was ready and we all tucked in with abandon.  To round off the meal a number of kangaroo steaks were cooked, cut into strips and passed around.  For the first time there was no-one turning their nose up and trying to make you feel guilty about enjoying the taste and I’m pretty sure everyone tucked in. 

After dinner was wrapped up and packed up we all hopped back onboard the truck and headed back through the dunes towards the highway (or, should I say; beach).  Our path back through the dunes was blocked by an embarrassed driver who had got his car bogged in the sand and we were forced to use the truck to put an end to our temporary incarceration.  As we watched his girlfriend gave him a serious ear-bashing from the passenger seat we all concluded that they could only have been English.  A very amusing moment but one which, according to Henning, is becoming a real nuisance on the island as it becomes more popular and visitor numbers increase. 

Also increasing on the island is the size of the dingo population.  This is something which, following the death of a nine-year old Brisbane boy at Waddy Point in 2001, has been worrying parents and park rangers alike.  After the fatal mauling, the rangers overreacted and panicked; going on the warpath - as if they were playing a part in a dodgy Hollywood movie - and massacring a large part of dingo population.  Eventually, after an uproar, they saw sense and admitted their mistake but it was too late for the poor dingoes that had been on the island for thousands of years.  It is always a sad event when someone dies - more so when it is a child - but, at the end of the day, they are wild animals and, when we go into their domain, you must take adequate precautions such as keeping your kids under direct supervision.  In the case of the poor lad on Fraser he had been left to play on his own and, when the dingoes approached he panicked, ran and then tripped.  The natural instincts of the animals kicked in and the result was never in doubt.  I don’t buy in to the ‘dangerous dingoes’ tag which flashed up on news bulletins around the country - if I’d have been the editor I would have run with ‘irresponsible parents’ - what the hell were they thinking?  I wonder if, on a visit to an environment inhabited by bears, would those parents still let their children run loose?  Sadly they probably would.

It’s not just kids that can come to grief on Fraser.  The passenger liner S.S Maheno was once said to be more luxurious than Titanic but, in the period following the Great Depression, there was a lack of passengers for the crossing of the Tasman Sea where she plied her trade.  Her owners, in an attempt to stave off financial difficulties, placed her up for sale.   There was just one interested party - a Japanese scrap yard - and she was decommissioned and the keys handed over.  As she was being towed to her final resting place a huge cyclone suddenly blew up, the tow line broke and she was washed ashore on the east coast of Fraser.  A party of salvagers arrived from Japan with the intention to refloat her but they took one look and declared that she wasn’t going anywhere.  They removed anything that had any salvageable value - holding an auction right there on the beach - and then left.  In the war years she was used for target practice by the Australian air force (not their finest moment as, if rumours are to be believed, 200 bombs were dropped with just two actually being on target) but she was left in peace afterwards to slowly rust away.  The rangers estimate that there are another five or ten years left before the once great liner is gone.  Whilst she survives she makes a striking sight sat on the beautiful white sand whilst trucks straight from the Paris - Dakar Rally roar past at 100 km/h and flightseeing planes take off mere metres away.

Eli Creek - a fast-moving crystal-clear torrent delivering millions of litres of freshwater each hour into the ocean - was our next stop and, after a paddle down it’s fast moving (and icy cold) waters we headed to nearby Happy Valley for tea and cakes and to warm up.  It was then time for the long trudge back across the island which we break halfway with a walk through the rainforest area.  Everyone is fascinated by the contradiction of rainforest and sand dunes within such a small distance but Henning does a fine job at explaining how this could happen.  Of course, with so many different nationalities within the group, it took a little time to explain such a complex situation and, by the time that he had, we were pushed for time if we were to make the 5pm deadline for us to board the barge which would return us to the mainland. 

Confident that it will not go without us - there are three trucks from the Fraser Island Company going back to the mainland and only one of them had successfully arrive back at the barge - and we carried on at a sensible but not particularly urgent pace.  Suddenly the situation changed and, as we were passing through the wetland area, Henning pulled the truck to an abrupt stop.  He handed back a bottle of insect repellent - surrounded by swamp, we couldn’t have stopped in a worse place for bugs - before jumping down from his cab and leaping into action.  Losing a tyre wasn’t a rare occurrence, he explained as he worked furiously to remedy the situation, but it usually happened at a more opportune moment.  It was obvious from the way he was going at his task - he wouldn’t have looked out of place if he was wearing Prodrive Subaru overalls - that he had done this a hundred times before but, despite digging down, he just couldn’t get a patch of ground which would support the weight of the truck.

A huge roar could be heard approaching from behind - it was the third and final truck heading for the barge - causing the passengers milling around in the road to jump out of the way.  As he pulled to a stop behind us, the other driver was already calling back to base on his satellite phone to alert them and then he too leapt from his cab and started working furiously beneath our truck.  It may have been a nervous moment for some - talk was turning to missed dinner reservations that evening - but it was fantastic to see these two guys working as a team to get us back home. 

We eventually made the barge - arriving twenty minutes late - but the vehicle ramp was already up and we had to abandon both trucks on the beach and run onboard.  Once we were all aboard, and the boat was backing off the beach, we asked Henning what would have happened if we’d missed the barge.  He explained, when they’d missed it in the past, the company had chartered the 100km/hr whale watching boat ‘Awesome’ to get everyone back home in time for tea and, on one memorable occasion, had three planes land on the beach to ferry the passengers home.  Our expressions must have turned from relief to have made the boat to downright disappointment right there but then, if we’d been sped back to the mainland, we’d have missed out on the fantastic sunset to which we bore witness: a beautiful end to an amazing and thoroughly memorable day.  The Fraser Island Company is a small family concern but their attention to detail and customer care was second to none - I only wish that I’d signed up for the two or three day trips so that I could have spent more time with them.

My final day in Hervey Bay saw me heading back to Urangan Harbour to meet up with the Perry family who would be taking us out on ‘Awesome’ - the insanely fast boat that we almost got to ride the previous evening - to go find some whales.  Everyone had been telling us that the whales had gone but the Perry’s insisted they could find us some; or they would give us a full refund.  Despite this guarantee there were just nine of us on board as we slipped out of the harbour and opened up the four 300bhp engines.  We were soon tearing past the two big green 4wd trucks that we’d abandoned on the beach and pressed on into deeper waters as went in search of the Humpback whales.  The whales stop off annually in the sheltered waters of Hervey Bay whilst returning home from their annual migration to the warm waters of Northern Australian waters where they mate and calve.  I don’t know about you but if I was halfway through an 11,000km swim back home to the Antarctic I would probably fancy stopping off for a rest too.

Around twenty minutes out of the harbour we spotted something in the distance and Sarah - our skipper for the day - swung the boat round to the left.  Within seconds we were upon them.  She cut the engines and we sat there, bobbing up and down in the water, wondering what was going to happen next.  We would soon find out as a whale leapt clean out of the water - scaring the life out of most of the passengers who leapt backwards from the side of the boat - before it spun around and crashed down with huge splash just metres away from the boat.  It had been one hell of an entrance and everyone was waiting for the next act: but nothing happened!  Sarah explained that the pod was beneath the boat and turned up the sound on the hydrophone so that we could hear them singing.  It was a magical sound but one which was suddenly interrupted by another pod of Humpbacks fifty metres away. 

Suddenly, as if trying to outdo each other, the two pods put on a stunning performance - one which was worthy of an Oscar at the very least.  After almost an hour of tail slapping, breaching and singing under the boat, it was one which no-one on board will forget in a hurry.  That included a beaming Sarah who, despite shrugging it off as being ‘all in a day’s work’, was as excited as the rest of us.  She may not have been hanging over the side, camera firing away like a machine gun, but she was as moved as everyone else at the amazing show.  We would eventually see five pods before our time was up and we had to head back to the harbour.   Just after we sighted the mainland Sarah came forward and asked “is everyone up for a bit of fun?”  We weren’t quite sure what she had in mind but we agreed anyway. 

We were instructed to hold on tight and this was followed by a 1200bhp roar from the engines as the throttles were thrown wide open.  We thought that we’d been travelling pretty fast up until then but instantly we were flying along at what seemed like an impossible speed, passing everything on the water.  Once we’d cleared all the other boats she started to pitch the boat from left to right to demonstrate just how stable it was but then, suddenly, the noise stopped and we sunk back into the water.  Surprised - thinking she’d broken the boat - we turned round to discover that someone hadn’t been holding on very well at all: he’d banged his head on the side of the boat and almost toppled overboard!  He’d scared himself (and Sarah) silly and it put a sudden end to our fun but it was a memorable (and somewhat amusing) end to an amazing morning.  As we were returned to our accommodation our driver - Sarah’s mum, Jill enquired with a straight face, “so, everyone’s been telling me the whales have all gone…?”  If they really believed that then they must have had a bang to the head.

I spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying the sun on the campground and reading my Lonely Planet.  Originally I’d planned to spend just one or maybe two nights in Hervey Bay but, by the time I checked out the following morning, I had been there for four.  It was just one of those places which somehow drag you in. 

Way back when I was planning the trip from the comfort of my armchair I had nonchalantly decided to drive all the way up to Cairns (according to my trusty UBD Atlas of Australia Cairns is 2395 km from Sydney).  I knew that it would be a push to get there and back in the time that I had available to me but I was determined to give it a go.   I wasn’t helped by losing those four days to mechanical breakdown but the reality of it was that, in the end, I just didn’t see the point - my attitude had changed from a tourist - intent on zooming around seeing everything - to a traveller happy to go with the flow.  I made it just about halfway but wasn’t too fazed.  It simply gave me another reason to come back again!

I was supposed to visit Brisbane ‘on the way up’ and plans were afoot to meet up with Dan and his parents for a meal but I never made it due to the mechanical gremlins.  I made it this time around but didn’t arrive until late in the afternoon and, having spent two hours driving from campground to campground in a vain attempt to find one with a TV room (where I could watch the Grand Prix that night), I ran out of time to do any sight-seeing. Eventually I checked myself into a cheap motel for the night and vowed to check out the city the following morning.

I got some odd looks from the other guests at the motel when I drove up in a camper van but I wasn’t gonna miss seeing the race just to save a bunch of curtain-twitchers from having to put on their best confused look.  As we all know now, Lewis finally (that sounds insane being it was only his second year in the job) became World Champion.  It was worth getting up at 3am to see him achieve his dream and become the youngest champion in history (did you see the look on Alonso’s face?) and the fact that it was all decided at the final corner of the final lap of the final race of the season made it all the sweeter.  I am sure those confused faces were in evidence again when, just before 6am, I could surely be heard throughout the block jumping up and down on my bed and shouting at the top of my voice.  Sorry guys.

Early on the Tuesday morning, proudly wearing my McLaren shirt, I could be found heading south to the workshops of Dick Johnson Racing where Cam had kindly offered to give me a tour of the facility.  Unfortunately, some time before I arrived, the team and cars had departed for their next race in Bahrain which was most inconsiderate of them, I have to say. I had to console myself with checking out the team’s small museum instead before heading inland to the renowned Lamington National Park where I had arranged to camp for the night.  The drive up the mountain would have been a spectacular drive if it had not been for slow campervan what I was driving so I had to content myself with admiring the view as I rose up into the clouds.

I did a number of hikes before - in the middle of the rain forest, would you believe - the heavens opened and I had to don full waterproofs and make my way back to the camper as quickly as I could to avoid being washed out to sea.  I spent the remainder of the afternoon huddled inside the campervan before emerging, when the rain had finally subsided, to go and admire one of the most abundant collections of wildlife to be found anywhere in Australia.  Wallabies were to be found hopping around in huge numbers whilst flocks of rare and colourful birds flapped overhead.  It made quite a spectacle.

Once the sun went down I was able to spend time admiring the clear night sky - Lamington NP is one of those rare places unaffected by light pollution from our towns and cities - and marvel at the stars on display.  The following morning I was surprised to awake to heavy clouds which stopped you from  seeing more than a couple of metres and, with it looking set for the day, it pretty much brought a premature end to my visit to Lamington and Tamborine National Parks.  I decided to head instead for Byron Bay but, as I got closer, the weather was still poor and I carried on driving instead before I finally stopped for the night just outside of Coffs Harbour.

Now ahead of schedule I found myself driving off the campground the next morning with no idea of where I was going.  I stopped for petrol and got chatting to a bunch of guys who were heading north who recommended a campground where they’d spent the previous evening.  It was about five hours away which meant a nice short day and about the same amount of time to kill before I needed to arrive.  Nothing jumped out at me on my map as a likely place to stop - even my trusty Lonely Planet failed to come up trumps - so I figured I’d just drive and see what happened.

Halfway between Coffs Harbour and Port Macquarie I spotted a sign pointing off the highway to the wonderfully named Hat Head National Park.  Before I had time to digest the name - or what it may mean - my indicator had come on and I was turning off the main road.  I blindly followed the road for 20km with no idea where it would take me before I eventually emerged at an area known locally as The Gap.  There were beautiful views of the ocean and I knew that I had to explore.  First I trudged down to Conners Beach then, 50 photographs later, I decided to try the 3.2km Korogoro Walking Track.  It was very ‘up-and-downy’ so you had to sing for your supper but, footstep for footstep, it had to be the most rewarding hike that I have done in Australia; maybe even on my entire trip.  It was utterly beautiful and worth every drop of sweat which, given the changeable east coast weather had swung back to 30-degree plus mode, was a lot. 

It was rewarding too to realise that, even when you have no idea what direction you are heading, things have a habit of working out for the best if you keep your eyes open and go with the flow.  I will try very hard to remember that when I am back in the UK; cold, fed-up and jobless!  As someone very wise once said: everything happens for a reason!

Despite all of the problems in the early part of the trip I was really gonna miss the freedom of the camper van and it was a sad moment when I handed the keys back to Dirk and made my way back to the station for my trip back into Sydney.  It had been a disastrous start but, against all odds, it turned out to be one of the most memorable parts of the whole of my trip.  It also marked the end of my pre-planned itinerary so, for the final 45 days of my trip (how did that happen?), I’ll be winging it like a proper backpacker… watch this space!

I don’t know what it is with us Brits - maybe there is some sort of chemical imbalance - but we do seem to have a strange desire to hire a camper van when we travelling around Australia.  I don’t like to play up to a stereotype but, here I was, Pacific Highway… in a camper van.  I wasn’t trying to be ironic or predictable - it just didn’t make sense not to.  It all started when I decided to head up to the Gold Coast for the Indy 300 race weekend at Surfers Paradise and, having booked my race tickets, I was shocked to discover the average room rate in town was running at around 500 bucks a night whilst the race was in town.  Being the tight arse that I am, I wasn’t prepared to pay that and frantically scoured the internet for alternatives.  I soon discovered that I could get a camper van for three entire weeks for less than the cost of two nights in a hotel in Surfers.  It was a no-brainer.

I was keen to end my first day on the road nice and early so that I could get used to the evening set-up routine whilst it was still light.  After brief photo stops at the Observatory, on the Northern Shore and at St Kilda’s Luna Park, I found myself heading towards Wyrrabalong National Park out on the coast.  It wasn’t that there was anything in particular there that I wanted to visit - in fact I don’t think that there actually was anything to visit - it was simply the right distance out of town and, well, I had to stop somewhere.  I decided to forego the tempting prospect of a visit to the Australian Reptile Park and instead headed straight to Dunleith Tourist Park in the wonderfully named town of The Entrance.  I was sure glad not to be sleeping in my tent that night as the most spectacular electrical storm blew up  and I have no doubt that both me and the tent would have floated off into the sea in the rain which followed.

It had been suggested that an inland route along the New England Highway was the best route to take up to Surfers Paradise - it was said to be far more scenic than the Pacific Highway - and the following morning saw me heading out through Singleton and Muswellbrook to Tamworth where I had planned on spending the night.  For some reason, having arrived in the self-proclaimed Nashville of Australia, I felt compelled to press on a little further and ended up in the small country town of Armidale.  It was a pleasant evening - I cooked a nice meal and had good neighbours in the form of Brad and Pammy from Coffs Harbour who suggested a couple of places to check out as I made my way north - and I went to bed happy.

All that changed the next day when, just a couple of kilometres out of the campground, the camper ground to a sudden and abrupt halt and refused to restart.  After trying everything that I could think of - including swearing at it - I decided that I really had to phone for some assistance and called Dirk at Keen As Campers.  He apologised profusely and called out the NRMA (the Australian version of the RAC) who arrived quickly and broke the news that the problem wasn’t fixable by the roadside.  Soon a wrecker arrived and towed me off to a nearby workshop which was staffed by the most disinterested bunch of monkeys that I ever had the displeasure to deal with.

It took the entire day for them to diagnose the problem but the news wasn’t too bad: it was a simple matter of replacing the ignition coil.  The problem was, due to the remote location, a replacement would take another 48 hours to arrive.  Now Armidale wasn’t a bad town - I had walked right around it, twice - but I really didn’t want to be stuck there any longer than I absolutely had to be.  Especially as it was bitterly cold and, unseasonably, snowing (the TV news reported that it was the coldest October day for 45 years) but I didn’t seem to be in much of a position to argue.  It wasn’t all bad news though: Dirk had bought the ‘Gold’ option when joining the NRMA and I found myself with a rental car and put up in a nice local hotel for a couple of nights.  I’d much rather have been on my way to Surfers Paradise but as I sat in my nice warm room, with the miserable weather outside, I did wonder if being confined to barracks wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

Determined to make the most of my ‘lost’ day I headed off to check out a few local national parks the following morning.  When I say a few what I really mean to say is, well, five!  Oxley Wild Rivers NP, New England NP, Cathedral Rock NP, Guy Fawkes River NP and Cunnawarra NP were very scenic but, in reality, they would be called State Parks in any other country (later that evening I discovered that New South Wales has over 200 National Parks within its borders!) so they were pretty limited in options and were quickly ticked off the list.  I headed back to the workshop just before it closed and was delighted to discover that a new coil had been sourced from elsewhere and we were back in business.  I dropped the rental car back, collected the camper and headed for my second night in the hotel.  I could have headed off a couple of hours down the road and in any other country I would have done just that but this isn’t any other country.  In Australia it is not advisable to drive at night as the local wildlife has a penchant for wandering (well, hopping) into your path as drive along minding your own business.  And that is really going to ruin your day - just as much as theirs - when they are quite as bulky and unpredictable as they are.

The drive to Surfers Paradise was around 500 km and would take much of the day so I checked out and headed off early on Friday morning.  My route took me back along the Waterfall Way (the route that I’d travelled the previous day) before turning on to the 106km back route from Ebor to Grafton.  I hadn’t realised just what a tricky proposition this section would present - particularly the section through Nimboi-Binderay National Park - and would have given anything to be in a well prepared Lotus rather than the lumbering beast that I was driving!  But I made it to the end and turned on to the Pacific Highway to complete my journey north.

Shortly after passing Byron Bay the exhaust note started to deepen and sound a little more ‘manly’.  But there was no stopping me now - I had to get up to Surfers Paradise before the end of day (I had missed two days of the meeting already) - and I’d worry about this new problem in a couple of hours once I’d arrived.  Life is never that simple, of course, and it would take me more than a couple of hours to get there as going up a hill, with huge road trains bearing down on me, the van started to misfire and the engine died.  I managed to re-fire it for long enough to drag it to the top of the hill from where I was able to coast down the other side and roll into a rest area before it died again.  My attempts to re-fire the van were starting to draw a crowd and, realising I wasn’t going anywhere quickly; I hit the steering wheel with my head.  It didn’t help.  One of the spectators wandered up - smoking something which in most countries will get you arrested - and lent me his mobile phone to call Dirk again.  He suggested a couple of things to try but we had no choice but to resort to calling the NRMA. 

The guy arrived quickly enough but his attitude wasn’t helpful in the least: when the van re-fired on the first turn of the key he shrugged his shoulders before announcing, “seeing there’s nothing for me to fix I might as well get going.”  Gee, fella, thanks.   I pressed him for suggestions and he eventually settled on the idea that the hot gasses from the leaking manifold were causing the fuel in the system to evaporate and the engine to cut out.  It seemed plausible - especially as I was now underway again - and I headed off with the passenger seat (which doubles as the engine cover) cranked open to aid airflow to the engine.  The noise and the heat were pretty much unbearable but I eventually made it to my destination.  The looks from pedestrians were mildly amusing but the looks from the police as I drove through the centre of Surfers Paradise were less so.  I think I was quite lucky to get away with that one! 

I finally pulled into my home for the next four nights - Broadwater Tourist Park - around four hours later than planned.  To celebrate, I headed to the liquor store across the street to pick up a bottle of Jack.  In deference to the sponsors of the DJR team, I decided to change the habit of a lifetime and picked up a bottle of Jim Beam instead.   After such an epic effort to get there, it went down an absolute treat!

Raceday came and I was somehow less than excited about the prospect.  I’d spent the previous day up at the circuit and I was soon to learn that it was no Bathurst when it came to viewing possibilities.  I was relieved that I‘d booked a grandstand seat - something that I very rarely do as I like to roam around the circuit - otherwise I wouldn’t have stood a chance of getting so much as a sniff of the cars much less actually being able to see them.  Of course, if I hadn’t been able to see them, I wouldn’t have been so disappointed in the procession that played out in front of my eyes.  Still, after such a run of great racing experiences, I shouldn’t be complaining. And, despite the lack of action on-track, we did get the odd bit of entertainment such as Fabien Coulthard running off the road in front of us and causing a log jam of cars whilst the officials did a laughable job of sorting the problem out. 

The best bit of the day?  It was tough to decide between the unbelievable pre-race air display, the crazy Red Bull motorbike stunt team and the lump-in-the-throat when they sang the national anthems.  But the winner was… the return to what I would know as Australian weather - and it was about time after the cold, rain and snow of recent days!

The weather just got better and better for the next couple of days which is more than can be said for my mood.   Dirk had booked the van in to a local garage for 8am on Monday morning to have the manifold fixed but I didn’t get it back until 4pm that afternoon.  I’d decided that morning, as I drove across town to drop the camper off, that I would take the bike that I had rented and explore town but, having done a couple of laps of the Indy circuit - now re-opened to traffic - the wheels came off that idea.  Actually, it wasn’t the wheels; it was the pedals.  Yes, believe it or not, the bloody pedals fell off the bike and I was forced to walk back to the garage and wait it out.   Eventually I managed to persuade the Neanderthal that was charged with fixing it to, erm, fix it and I headed back across town to the campground in blissful silence and sat on the beach to soak up the sun for the last few hours of the day.

When I woke on Tuesday morning I was in a far better frame of mind and hurriedly packed up the van and headed north towards my next destination: Australia Zoo.  This was one of the first places on my ‘must visit’ list when I decided to come to Australia so I was happy to put the mechanical disasters behind me and be finally heading in that direction.  Besides, overnight I had received an email from Dirk apologising again for all the problems and offering a $500 discount on the rental.  I was very happy with that - he didn’t have to offer anything at all - but he was really looking after me as he had all along.  I admire that.  As I said in my reply to him, “the true mark of a company is not that these problems never happen, it is how they are dealt with”, and he dealt with them admirably every time.  

20km down the road the unbelievable happened: I broke down again!  Dirk called out the RACQ and, sensing my frustration, he also sent a mobile mechanic to make sure the problem was fixed once and for all.  The guy from the RACQ determined that the problem lay with an intermittent spark and, as the guy0 from the NRMA had before, announced that there was nothing that could be done at the roadside and that I would have to be towed in to the workshop again.  I could have cried.  With that - like a knight in shining armour - the mobile mechanic arrived and quickly spotted the problem.  Unbelievably it went back to the cretins who fitted the replacement parts back in Armidale who, despite having the thing for two days, neglected to tighten two electrical terminals properly.  My heartfelt thanks must go to Graham Betts Holden of Armidale for making such a tits arse of what should have been a simple job and ruining four days of my holiday.  Regardless, I was now on the road, and I felt mighty relief at that. 

As I hit the road again, with the van now running better than ever, I suddenly felt an overwhelming feeling of freedom.  I continued north but, as it was now too late in the day to head for Australia Zoo, I stopped at a visitor centre to seek their advice on what I could do for the rest of the day.  A visit to Glasshouse Mountains National Park was suggested and, although never having heard of it, I was suitably intrigued to go and visit.  I was very pleased that I did as the collection of 20 million year old volcanic cones presented a stunning sight emerging as they did, Jurassic Park style, from the flat green surroundings. I was able to get a little bit of proper hiking in and it felt good to take out my pent up aggression on the hill!

 I am sure that we’ve all seen Steve Irwin’s appearances on TV and most of us will have felt that we knew him to some degree - me included - so it was a fantastic feeling to finally drive through the gates of Australia Zoo.  The Irwin family have built up an amazing facility and, even though I don’t normally like zoos (I don’t like to see animals caged up), this one was very well done.  All of the animals were very well cared for and had plenty of room to roam around and live as natural a life as possible.  Some of the enclosures - though not the ones containing the Bengal tigers or crocs, for obvious reasons - were open for the public to wander through at their leisure.  Push through a big metal gate and you suddenly find yourself in kangaroo country.  I thoroughly enjoyed the whole experience; even though I kept imagining I might bump into Steve as he went about his business.  I felt sad in the realisation that it was something that was never gonna happen and I only wish that I had been able to visit a couple of years ago.  Wherever you are, Steve, you did those animals proud.

Before I headed off from Australia Zoo I sat in the car park for some time looking at my travel guide and my road atlas.  I really wanted to push on north to visit the Great Barrier Reef but the reality was starting to sink in: with the lost days, it was simply too far.  I couldn’t make my mind up which direction to head and, eventually, settled on closing my eyes and pointing to a random point on the map.  When I opened them again, my finger was sat right in the middle of Hervey Bay - four hours away - so off I went.  Energised by my day with the animals I completed the drive in one sitting and arrived on the Happy Wander Campground just as the office was closing for the evening.  Even though I had delayed his departure for the evening the guy was happy to stop and chat as he checked me in.  When I mentioned that I fancied heading over to Fraser Island, he even offered to call and book me a slot. His enthusiasm was infectious and I knew then that I was gonna enjoy my stay in Hervey Bay.

I’d only been in Sydney for a few hours before I was heading out of town again.  It wasn’t that I had a problem with the place - far from it - I was heading three hours west to the town of Bathurst.  It wasn’t a randomly timed visit - I was heading to the Mount Panorama Circuit to see an Australian icon: the Supercheap Autos Bathurst 1000.  The race is Australian motorsports FA Cup Final, Grand National and Superbowl all rolled into one and Huge with a capital H.  Even I hadn’t appreciated just how huge until I saw the TV schedule for race day - it was simple - everything else was cancelled for the day.

My route out to Bathurst took me through the Blue Mountains National Park and I couldn’t resist stopping several times to check out the scenery.  A short while down the road I turned off the main highway and headed towards the abandoned race track of Catalina Park.   It presented an incongruous sight surrounded as it was by a school, a leisure centre and people going about their everyday life as if it had never existed.  It was a narrow track and, although it didn’t seem to offer many opportunities for overtaking, it looked like it would have been one hell of a challenge to drive.  The track fell out of favour as safety standards increased but there are rumours that plans are afoot to bring it up to date and reopen it.  Personally I think this is a pipe dream but good luck to the guys behind it if they can make it happen.  For the moment it remains a surreal experience to walk the track and imagine the cars and stars of yesteryear doing battle where now there is just a ribbon of old tarmac.  There really can’t be many places where you can just roll up, walk through a gate and step back into another age.

Much as I was enjoying the step back into time, Bathurst was an itch that needed scratching and I hurried back to the car to start the final leg of the drive.  Much like at Phillip Island the previous weekend, accommodation in Bathurst is at a premium on race weekend - some friends went a couple of years ago and thought they’d done well to find accommodation in the town of Orange: 50km further on to the west - but, once again, Leonie at Motorsport Travel in Adelaide had come up trumps for me.  It had been organised that I would stay at the Bathurst Sheep and Cattle Drome which was a short drive from the circuit.  As its name suggests, it wasn’t particularly salubrious - in fact the overcrowded dorm rooms weren’t salubrious in the slightest - but it’s all about the location and the ‘bunkhouse’, as Leonie referred to it, certainly had location going for it!

It had been a dream to attend the ‘Great Race’ since way back when I can remember watching the Walkinshaw Jaguars taking it to the locals when I was a kid so rolling into town and seeing the ‘Welcome to Bathurst sign was almost emotional.  Having made it to the opposite side of the globe I wasn’t about to waste any time and, as soon as I was checked in at the Bunkhouse, I excitedly headed down to the circuit.   Sometimes you can overhype these occasions but I wasn’t to be disappointed.

It isn’t often that I do three or more days at a circuit these days but I wasn’t going to waste the opportunity to get a real taste of this place.  At 6.213 km it is a lengthy track but the real character of the place comes from the amazing public roads which make up the circuit.  For the 360 days a year that it’s not being used for racing they form a popular tourist attraction known collectively as ‘The Mount Panorama Scenic Drive’ but, to race fans worldwide, they will always be Skyline, The Chase, The Dipper, Conrod.  Or, simply: Bathurst. 

I spent the day wandering the lower part of the circuit and taking photo, getting a feel for the place and generally having a good time.  Once the last car had returned to pitlane I headed off to visit the museum which has been established on the final corner of the circuit.  As a Brit I didn’t expect to find much anything that would be relevant to the British motorsport scene but was surprised to discover a small selection of Supertouring cars of the type that had seen the BTCC rise to pre-eminence as the premier touring category for a decade.  If that wasn’t your cup of tea there was all manner of other interesting cars on display: pride of place going to Peter Brock’s famous Marlboro-sponsored #05 machine.  Oh, and my day was complete when I discovered they had one of those Jaguars that I remembered from all those years ago.

After a very poor night sleep, thanks to a couple of noisy snorers in the dorm room, I headed back to the circuit early and grabbed an hour of sleep in the car before heading back through the gates.  At 8am it was already busy and a party atmosphere was brewing amongst the crowd, many of whom had been camping at the track for several days.  I had been dissuaded from doing this as it has something of a reputation of total lawlessness - especially at the top of The Mountain - truth be told it couldn’t have been any further from the truth.  I have been to races at Talladega and at Le Mans - they can be pretty wild at times - and was expecting the same from Bathurst but, after a crackdown by Police in recent years, it was a very tame experience which I actually found to be a bit of a shame.  Half the fun of these events is the atmosphere - good and bad - but then I guess that’s the way of the world in this day and age when everything has to be PC.

The racing kicked off with a cracking Mini race which featured such ‘international superstars’ as Matt Neal and Boris Said (the programmes words… not mine!) alongside the regular field.  In fairness to Matt - who I don’t particularly rate - he was going great guns, unafraid to use his door handles to battle his way to the front of the field, where he remained - driving the widest Mini ever built - until two corners from the end where he was rudely barged onto the grass and out of the race by the regulars.  I couldn’t believe I had come all this way to watch the BTCC but it was great fun and even the local crowd, brought up on a diet of fire-breathing 5-litre V8 monsters were lapping it up.  The atmosphere increased exponentially when this was followed up with a breathtaking race for the ever-popular Utes.  I could barely wait for the main event the following day!

The climb to the top of Mount Panorama is so long and steep that must take a bus.  Even with this welcome assistance the rise seemed endless and you could be forgiven for thinking it was never ending; that perhaps you are going all the way to gates of heaven.  As I stepped from the bus I was greeted with a sight that made me think for a moment that I’d done just that.  The view from the top of The Mountain was impressive enough but add in some of the most spectacular racetrack to be found anywhere in the world and any petrol head would have been in awe.  Everywhere was a stunning photograph waiting to happen.

Having flattened the battery on my camera I spent the rest of the day at the top of The Mountain, just wandering around, taking in the scenery and chatting with many other fans; some of whom had been coming for 20 or 30 years.  They complained at the heavy-handedness of the Police this year but said they would still be back next year.  And who can blame them for putting up with a bit of authority?  If you are a race fan and you have never been to Bathurst then I plead with you now: move it right to the top of your ‘to do’ list and get yourself there next year.  Sod the expense and just do it. 

On the way out of the circuit I picked up some earplugs for back at ‘the bunkhouse’ which worked a treat and I had a far better sleeps sleep.  Nonetheless I was woken on at 430am on raceday morning by a commotion in the dorm.  It seems that some of the guys in the dorm thought this was a perfect time to leave for the circuit.  As I wandered the track all day - and never had a problem in getting a good view of the action - I have no idea why they had to be up so early but, now wide awake, I begrudgingly followed them down the road.  I parked my car in the car park before grabbing my customary hours sleep.  I don’t think I would have survived the day if I hadn’t.

The race was a breathtaking spectacle and the experience, unlike some elsewhere, felt as if it were over in no time at all.  I had a grandstand seat but spent all but the first half an hour of the race wandering the top of The Mountain, enjoying the show.  As had been the case all weekend everyone was so friendly towards me and, by the time I hopped back on the bus for the dash back to the finish line to see Craig Lowndes and Jamie Whinchup take their third straight victory.  I was glowing (I’m not talking about the sun).  I’d got some decent photos - including the moment when Mark Skaife put his car in the wall at the start of Conrod and all but confirmed his enforced retirement from the sport next year - and had loved every minute of it.

As in Singapore I was one of the first onto the track as the chequered flag dropped but that was where things changed.  There was no respect for the law here - people had come equipped with wire cutters and knives to aid their quest for souvenirs - and by the time I made it to the start of pitlane the first of the souvenir hunters was making their way out again with a huge 4 metre long sign.  One of the teams had been slow to pack away their pitlane equipment and they literally had to lever people off of the refuelling rig to stop them thieving it.  As one team member I spoke to later in the day said, “If it ain’t bolted down… steal it.  That’s what Bathurst is all about for these animals.”  It was absolutely crazy but, at last, I was beginning to see a little of that old Bathurst spirit shining through. 

I hung around the paddock for a couple of hours after the race before heading again for the delights of the bunkhouse.  Unable to face the anticipated noise and commotion back at the dorm I stopped off in town for a couple of hours but was pleased, when I finally headed for ‘home, to finally get to meet Leonie who was every bit as crazy as I hoped she would be!  I equally pleased to learn that a large group of group of guys from the dorm had made a break for home but, when I headed for bed, I would learn that ‘the snorers’ were unfortunately not amongst them.  I slept well regardless - it had been one hell of a long and tiring weekend - and dreamt of a long lie-in the following morning.  It wasn’t to be as another group of guys who were about to head home insisted on clattering and shouting their way around the dorm in an apparent attempt to piss off those of us who were still sleeping.  It worked.  If it hadn’t been for someone else beating me to it I would have given them some serious verbal.  Unfortunately, after all the excitement, I was now wide awake and found myself heading off again as the sun came up.  It had been an unforgettable weekend but I really wasn’t sorry to see the back of the Bunkhouse.

I’d been told that the circuit would revert to being the Mount Panorama Scenic Drive overnight and I rather fancied putting the rental car through its paces so I headed back up there before heading off.  Unfortunately - or, for the car, fortunately - it remained closed to the public and, no matter how hard I tried, there was no way that I could find a way on so I drove to the top of The Mountain once again, parked up in the aftermath of what yesterday had been the campground, and headed off on foot instead.  If it had appeared spectacular from the spectator side of the fence then, from the drivers side, the narrow canyon plunging downhill between two unforgiving concrete walls was utterly insane.  It was a good workout to hike down (more precisely back up) the hill but I thoroughly enjoyed imagining what it must be like to race a fire breathing monster car flat out through there for 1000km.  Subconsciously I was quite relieved that I couldn’t get the car out there as I feel sure that I would have, at the very least, knocked a mirror off as I attempted the perfect line over Brocks Skyline and down through The Dipper.

Having lost several hours waiting for an engineer in a Laundromat in town, after a power outage had seen a machine ‘eat’ my clothes, I headed out of Bathurst one last time.  It was a sad moment but I left with a smile on my face as, not for the first time, I marvelled at the difference between Australian and British people.  Back home there would have been a riot; the door of the machine would have been stoved in and, very probably, the Laundromat torched for good measure.  In Australia the other guys whose clothes had been temporarily incarcerated simply shrugged their shoulders and settled in for the arrival of the engineer.  It turned into a full-on social event and I left with a dozen new friends and tips on an interesting route back to Sydney…  I am seriously dreading going ‘home’.

Traffic out of town was a little busy but nothing to stress over and, after being briefly detained at a rest area where Police were conducting roadside breath tests,  I was soon on my way towards Lithgow.  From there I was to take the back road through the Blue Mountains NP to Windsor and then cut down to Glenbrook before spending the afternoon exploring that area of the park at great length.  It was a memorable afternoon as, having visited numerous beautiful vistas, I decided - seeing I was unable to put the car through its paces on the circuit that morning - to conduct some off-road handling tests instead.  The unpaved roads within the park were decidedly bumpier than expected but, putting aside the occasional grinding or groaning noise from under the car, she passed with flying colours.

As the sun set I arrived, once again, back amidst the bright lights of Sydney.  I took a little bit of a drive around town - marvelling that just 90 minutes earlier I had been enjoying the serenity of being 25-km down a dirt road in the middle of a remote national park - before heading back, past the famous Coca Cola sign of Kings Cross, to Dan’s apartment.  On my arrival there was a very large Jim Beam and Coke waiting for me - the perfect end to a fantastic few days - this truly was living the dream!